E for effort

today is one of those rare occasions when i feel like i must be improving somehow as a teacher. i'm sitting here on my lunch break grading the latest essays (compare/contrast) and so far they're GOOD. i've only been through about 6, but i've already written A on 4 essays. that never happens! last year my students' compare/contrast essays were so off the mark i had to offer them ALL the opportunity to further revise or rewrite the essay in order to raise their grades. never a good sign. so i'm doing something right. i look forward to the day when i don't have to do much prep work. when the lessons are so well planned out i don't need a sheet in front of me reminding me what to do. when i can stand and walk around the room and feel like we're all participating in a meaningful discussion. when i see the benefit of all my exercises and feel like i'm not just trying to fill the class time. *sigh* someday.

"I don't want people who want to dance, I want people who have to dance." -Balanchine

i miss dancing. when did i stop dancing??

i know, i know. i teach tap classes one night a week. so not the same. teaching is different than dancing. being in class. performing. learning combinations. routines.

and i don't just miss tap. i miss DANCING. i miss moving my whole body. stretching my legs, my arms. trying to pretend i can leap and kick and turn. while tap has always been my forte, i'm not bad at the other stuff too! and i miss dancing at hope college. classes with ray and steven and linda and even dawn and max. i miss being pushed and challenged to live up to the other outstanding dancers in jazz and modern class, and yet i never felt silly or embarrassed even when i wasn't one of the best dancers in the room. the teachers and the relationships among students were such that i felt challenged but never put down.

when i took off all my outer layer tonight (it's cold outside!) i was left with black leggings, maroon leg warmers, and a green tank top. i feel like i'm dressed for dance class, and i can't help but dance around my apartment a little (in spite of the confined space). and the truth is, at this point in my life, i won't even dance again like i did at hope. i won't have have a week with 40-50 hours of dancing. i won't even be able to take 6 dance classes at a time. my only real hope of a consistent dance life is possibly a tap company (fingers crossed for auditions next august). hm.

meanwhile, i just looked up the schedules for giordano dance center and joel hall dance center, and while things are a little psycho right now with holidays and essays to grade and lessons to plan... i'm hopeful that while i'm still on christmas break in january i can go to a few classes and try and find a non-tap class to take regularly. and i'm already planning on taking an advanced tap class starting in january. now if i can just stay consistent with that goal. life will be looking up.

from "Lars and the Real Girl"

"Sometimes, I'm so lonely I forget what day it is and how to spell my own name."

I believe...

I believe color on the walls can change everything. I believe confusion is my greatest weakness. I believe in changing my candles and shower gel and lotions to match the scents of the changing seasons. I believe poetry CAN change the world. I believe an empty wallet and a full heart is better than the other way around. I believe a life without travel is a life half lived. I believe music is the universal language. I believe if I leave my dishes in the sink long enough they will wash themselves. I believe a character in a good book can be as close as a real friend. I believe the thesaurus is overrated. I believe a glass of wine everyday is good for the heart in more ways than one. I believe my mother is always with me. I believe nieces and nephews are God's greatest invention. I believe if I eat a whole box of oreos and nobody sees me, the calories don't count. I believe repetition is the world's largest dichotomy - either wholly underappreciated, or the tragic flaw.

transition to winter

my "fall" shower gel ran out today (bath & body works sensual amber). guess it's time to switch to one of the "winter" scents (either b&bw japanese cherry blossom, or midnight pomegranite). yes, i change my bath products to match the seasons. come to think of it, i finished burning my apple cinnamon candle yesterday and it might be time to pull out the blackberry one.

on another cold note, i tried to go for a jog today. first time since july or august. and man, it sucks in the cold. i felt really good about myself until i got across the park, and my chest just felt so tight and cold and crampy. i did the jog/walk thing the rest of my route to walgreens (killing two birds with one stone, brought a cd to order photo prints) and walked most of the way back. even with mostly walking, it was 2 miles total, so that's good, right?

and on monday they close my el stop for 6 months to a year. which means instead of just under half a mile, i need to go just over a mile to get to the nearest stop. i think i'm about to become very good friends with the buses around here.

all this outdoor chilliness is making me ready for christmas. i refuse to start celebrating and decorating until after thanksgiving (which incidentally, is my favorite holiday. i love love love turkey and mashed potatoes). but i rearranged my trunk and tables in the apartment to make room for my little tree. it's going to be fun to decorate in a new place. i think maybe i need to have a party once the place is all festive. :)