soundtrack

ever have one of those moments where you feel like you're in a movie? you know, that scene where the main character is alone, and the music is perfect, and the scenery is perfect, and there's some giant realization happening in their head that's so palpable you can taste it?

so i decided to go running after work today, enjoy the decent weather before the snow rushes in. (yes, running. me. don't laugh, i tried.) i put on my much neglected running shoes and went to independence grove, the local (and gorgeous) forest preserve. got out of my car, started walking toward the lake path while i put my headphones in and got my playlist of recent downloads up and running. just as i approached the lake jaime cullum started singing "high and dry" in my ears. and there was the lake. the wind. the seagulls on the beach and in the air. the tall cattails. the sun shining through the thin clouds. the smells of grass and autumn. the bright gold black eyed susans. the gradual pickup from a walk to a jog. i felt like i was in a movie.

"you must be the change you wish to see in the world." thank you ghandi. it was one of those moments. except i think, you must be the change you wish to see in yourself. yeah.

well any of you that know me are aware... i don't run. so beautiful as this moment was, halfway around the lake i started walking. i made two laps, so i did jog on and off a little more. but toward the end of the second lap i remembered why my wearing headphones in public is a dangerous thing. i discovered this when i used to take the el to and from class all the time. i forget that i'm wearing headphones. mostly i start singing or humming along, not realizing that everyone around me can hear me but not the music in my head. this was different. i was walking along to these fabulous jazzy piano tunes, and i can't help but move to the rhythm. walking in time. shaking my head a little. stretching my arms. i discovered i'd rather be doing across the floor combinations in jazz class than walking/running on a park path.

so i went out on a limb. i walked off the path and up to a grassy area where it looked pretty deserted. there were a few paths crossing through, but not a whole lot of people passed me while i was there. i started the song over (these are the days, by jaime cullum) and just started dancing. i'm sure i didn't do anything spectacular. but it felt good to move, leap, turn, stretch... (pirouettes are surprisingly easy in nikes on the grass). i did a sort of lazy improv for about 2 or 3 jaime cullum songs and 2 or 3 new john mayer songs, and then decided to head back to the car. i was actually sweating for a change. man i miss dancing.

and i had another movie moment walking back to the car. john mayer's "i'm gonna find another you" came on. (GENIUS title/lyric/concept for a song, by the way. if anyone doesn't own his new album "continuum" yet, go buy it. right now.) just listening to the piano and guitar and drums, and a few trees starting to turn orange, and johnny singing "you've got your reasons, but you'll never have my rhyme, i'm gonna sing my way away from blue, i'm gonna find another you"... i just felt empowered somehow. like the end of the movie when the character figures it all out, right before the happy hollywood ending.

of course, i tend to enjoy more ambiguous, open endings in my literature as well as my movies. which is probably good, because my life is one big ambiguous turn after another. resolution is overrated, i think. but it's nice to have a few moments along the way that feel somehow grounded.