on loving chicago.

earlier this evening i had all these great ideas of what to write here when i got home... now i'm too tired to think in such lofty philosophical ways. in a nutshell, i was walking to the el and once again realize how much i love the city of chicago. the top of the sears tower all lit up, the crazy cab drivers, the el trains running over my head, the lights up and down state street, the chicago theatre marquee, the picasso monkey face, even the cold breeze off the lake. i think i've gotten over my intense desire to live in the city. i still think it'd be fun, but it's just so expensive. the cost of living as well as the cost of eating, drinking, shopping.... it's just too much. i'd rather live somewhere cheaper and have the money to actually ENJOY the city when i'm there. but for now, i'm really grateful i still get to go downtown twice a week for class. and i'm grateful i get to take the el again, because it gives me the chance to walk more to and from the station instead of just parking across the street from school. i've only got about 5 more months as a roosevelt university student, and as this phase of my life is rapidly drawing to a close, i'm realizing how truly great it has been. these two years have brought me alot of independence, but at the same time i've formed some really great friendships (and strengthened some old ones!). my writing has grown and improved immensely. and in spite of my frequent moments of doubt (that i'll never actually get a book published, that i'll be a horrible teacher, or never get a teaching job, or will never pay back my student loans, or that this has all been an enormous and expensive mistake...) i know none of that's true. i AM a poet, and i HAVE grown a ton from this. mostly in ways i can't articulate. i just FEEL different. i AM different. it was a rough start, but it's just been good. really good. and so i know whatever comes next will be good too. i'm not quite ready to move on yet, but i think when i get there i will be. for now, just enjoying the rest of the ride.