i'm a left lane driver
as i made the 3 hour drive from holland to libertyville tonight in the dark (thank God it was shorter than my 5.5 hour drive out there two days ago!) i realized something--i never drive in the far right lane. ever. occasionally i drive in the middle, but usually only when i know my exit is approaching or when the car behind me is riding so close it's making me nervous (or blinding me with his lights). otherwise, i drive in the left lane. why? cause when i'm driving, i'm in a rush.
i don't like being in between. i love to travel, but i wish i could teleport myself from one place to the next instantly. and i'm more tolerant of traveling when i'm on my way to somewhere exciting. but traveling home, i just want to get there. if i have to leave a vacation, i don't want to prolong the agony of goodbye. i just want to be home.
as i was thinking about this driving quirk of mine, i realized, it's more of a life quirk, really. i'm at an inbetween phase of my life. grad school doesn't feel like the next phase of my life, maybe someday it will. but right now, it feels like the transistion between college and my dream job. like i'm stuck between childhood and the rest-of-my-life. on the phone with courtney the other day, she pointed out that sometimes she forgets i'm still at home and not back in holland. because she is back in depere (though working now instead of going to school) she feels like everyone is back where they should be. i feel like that too. like everyone left at the end of the summer and went back to where they should be, like my closest friends are still in holland, and like i'm stuck in between. life at hope and in holland is going on ahead without me and sometimes i just feel left out. i know i'm where i'm supposed to be--going to grad school, at roosevelt--but sometimes i just feel stuck in the right lane too long between cities. i know what i've left behind, and i have some vague idea of what i'm driving toward. i just don't know where exactly it is, or how long i'll be stuck in traffic, or who will greet me when i arrive...
i don't like being in between. i love to travel, but i wish i could teleport myself from one place to the next instantly. and i'm more tolerant of traveling when i'm on my way to somewhere exciting. but traveling home, i just want to get there. if i have to leave a vacation, i don't want to prolong the agony of goodbye. i just want to be home.
as i was thinking about this driving quirk of mine, i realized, it's more of a life quirk, really. i'm at an inbetween phase of my life. grad school doesn't feel like the next phase of my life, maybe someday it will. but right now, it feels like the transistion between college and my dream job. like i'm stuck between childhood and the rest-of-my-life. on the phone with courtney the other day, she pointed out that sometimes she forgets i'm still at home and not back in holland. because she is back in depere (though working now instead of going to school) she feels like everyone is back where they should be. i feel like that too. like everyone left at the end of the summer and went back to where they should be, like my closest friends are still in holland, and like i'm stuck in between. life at hope and in holland is going on ahead without me and sometimes i just feel left out. i know i'm where i'm supposed to be--going to grad school, at roosevelt--but sometimes i just feel stuck in the right lane too long between cities. i know what i've left behind, and i have some vague idea of what i'm driving toward. i just don't know where exactly it is, or how long i'll be stuck in traffic, or who will greet me when i arrive...
posted by KTB at
11:36 PM
1 Comments:
Hey - Just maybe you'll arrive in that wilderness state way up north & I could be there to greet you!
=)
By
Lo, at 7:10 PM
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