insomnia

2:30am and for the 2nd night in a row i've gotten out of bed and gone back to the computer cause i can't sleep. what's my problem? why can't i just start a normal sleeping schedule? i hit the snooze for anywhere between and hour and two hours every morning, but i can't ever manage to go to sleep before 3am. i lay there for at least an hour, often more, staring into the blackness that is my room (which my eyes quickly adjust to and it becomes a rather lime green glow thanks to my stereo) thinking, and imagining, and dreaming and basically just NOT SLEEPING. oy vey...

and am i on a roller coaster here or what? please keep your hands and arms inside the car until the ride has come to a complete stop. push down, then pull up on the harness and exit to your left. thank you for riding the shockwave and enjoy the rest of your day here at six flags great america...

the roller coaster that is my life: i hate chicago, the traffic sucks. i love the el, i love the city, i love chicago. i hate commuting, why don't i just live in the city. i love my apartment, it's spacious and cute and my roommate is fabulous and my fridge is full and my sex and the city dvds are abundant. i can't wait for class to start so i have homework to occupy my time. i don't want to get a job because i don't want anything else to occupy my time. i want to work at the pool this weekend, i need the money and i'm going to miss this job when it's over. i hate the pool, it should have been closed a long time ago, and i do not want to go in this weekend. it'll be good to be home alone all weekend, i'll get my homework done, work, relax, scrapbook, shop. i can't stand to be in this town any longer or be home by myself all weekend i have to find subs for work and get out of here as fast as i can cause if it rains and i'm sitting here all alone i'll go crazy. it's nice to be single and not have to worry about anyone else or anything else and to just do my own thing. does anything really mean anything without someone to share it with because all i want is that hit-by-a-semitruck-kind-of-love. i'm going to get up early, work out, eat lunch, shower, go put air in my bike tires, do homework outside on the lawn, relax, enjoy the friday. i'm not setting the alarm, i'm going to the pool to find subs for the weekend and getting out of here. i love grad school and am so 100% sure i'm in the right place and that God is behind me. i hate being so far away from my friends and why am i in this place when they are all (mostly) in the same place and i'm not there.

uggh. and i wonder why i can't sleep.

(disclaimer: while i had to vent on this little roller coaster list, in all honesty, i DO love chicago and i DO love grad school and i AM sure i'm in the right place.)